Baby Blues

     So I started again...My cycle that is. Normally when I start I BAWL I mean the water works really turn on. This month though I started while at my parents (sorry if its to much detail) so I was in good company :) So I don't think it really sank in. Later though I went home to get some stuff done before Clayton got home from work. I was sitting on my couch and it sank it. I was crushed...
     I know with me at least I tend to think I'm pregnant a lot. This is for mainly the reason that I am ALWAYS Nausea's I mean like cant stand up with out wanting to pass out/ cant think of any kinda of food Nausea's. Plus the last few months right before or right after my cycle my breast are SUPER tender. So whats a girl to think...well my mind JUMPS to YOUR PREGNANT. I mean you cant really blame me for thinking it when its the normal signs of pregnancy.
     This month I was so sure I was pregnant ( I mean Thursday night I actually fell asleep with my hand holding me stomach as if to some how protect that tiniest little clump of not really anything yet but what would be the most precious thing in the world) I know that all sounds cheesy but its how I felt . So when It really sank in it broke my heart...
     The one thing that makes it worse is seeing that everyone else I know from High school or just around me is getting pregnant. NOT that I am not so happy for them BECAUSE I AM!! ( I hope no one is every shy to tell me they are pregnant for fear of me being mad,  because I truly truly am so Happy for them!! It just stings a little well a lot.)
     Now I do realize that everything (even babies) happen when they are supposed to and that from some reasons its just not our time yet. (this has given me comfort a lot ) But at the same time its SUCKS.  Although I have complete Faith In Heavenly Father and I KNOW with all my heart He is waiting for the perfect moment to let me and Clayton become parents and oh how my hearts longs for that moment :)
     Last night we were at a wedding for Clayton's cousin. Towards the end we were all cleaning up and I was holding (Jen and Jake's little boy) Cooper. I had to run to the bath room really fast so I turned to Clayton handed Cooper, my purse, jacket and camera bag. For that minute I just thought of Cooper being our little one and Clayton carrying all that stuff. As I turned to walk away I smiled and said all your missing is a diaper bag and you would be complete. I CAN NOT wait for Clayton to become a daddy. He is AMAZING with little ones and they are like magnets to him! I mean we can be at the movies, a park, dinner, church any where really and They will Stare at him!! The other day we ran into a girl from high school and her little one. *keep in mind this is the first time we saw her little boy* And the little boy lunged for Clayton. Ah I Cant wait!!
     You know how they say distance makes the heart grow founder? Well though there is more distance then I can count from where our little ones to be are now my heart grows founder of them every second  :)